You know, the ones who start a website and a blog, then peter out after 3 - 5 entries.
But then life happens.
And you realize that the blog you thought you were writing wasn’t what you were really doing at all.
When I started this website, I thought I was going to write about Organizational Development, and Spiritual Healing.
But as I wrote, it turned out that all I wanted to write about were Martial Arts and Money. Go figure.
And there was a certain terrible hubris about it too. I’d had a life track of constantly increasing funds, both in my salary, and in terms of the funds I worked with in my career – from mere tens of thousands to billions. So I thought I was pretty special, when it comes to money.
And people still perceived me as having money magic too. Random folks continued to ask me to help them obtain funds – CEO of this, CEO of that, CEO of that other thing, oh, and CEO of that one too (Why only CEOs?).
But the truth was, I was dead broke. A few years of adventuring without steady funds had left me in a financial pickle, and I started this site two years ago out of desperation, to see if I could make a career of using my true gifts, and knowledge of hard-won lessons.
The answer was no, not really. Either I wasn’t ready, or the universe had some more lessons for me first. That, or it’s that I have a colossal disinterest in marketing or self-promotion. And there's something else there I don't understand yet either. [Update June 10, 2016: Everything stuck can be resolved - I've been working on myself, and my healing practice has recently been taking off, as my capacity to be available to those in need expands.]
Of course, like all the other unemployed / underemployed job seekers out there, I’d been firing off resume after resume, talking with recruiters, going out on interviews, occasionally reaching out to my network, working interesting-but-largely-pro-bono side projects. And sitting on the couch. A lot.
Unlike most job seekers though, the only places that would interview me were the best of the best. The largest NGO helping children world wide flew me to another country to interview; a top global think tank told me I was overqualified; a foundation awarding major prizes wanted to know if I’d be a good Director. I also interviewed with a member of the Seraphim Society; the most famous TV personality I’d never heard of; an A-list Hollywood family; the world’s biggest retailer; and a major newspaper.
But no one would hire me.
And I couldn’t figure out why, or how to change it.
And I couldn’t even figure out if I wanted to change it, because without a day job, I could attend to the flows of energy in the universe better, fight epic battles of light vs. darkness, and expand my awareness across space, time, and dimensions.
So I lived in my car for awhile.
A modern day hermit-sage! Waking up to sky and clouds! Happy and free!
Yes, but also, at the exact same time, a girl sleeping alone in her car, scared, trying to figure out how to pee in a coffee can, and never quite feeling safe or knowing where to park at night.
Then an outfit that's #1 in the world its specialty hired me as an executive assistant, pretty much by accident, site unseen, based on a resume artifact left over from a decade in the past when I'd applied there. I was told, “Just come to work tomorrow, we’ll see if it works out.”
So I now have a boss who sometimes claims to be my assistant, and who wonders how the faculty would vote if I were nominated to be dean. This is a man who has a good sense of authority in his own right, and runs an excellent operation. Meanwhile, I seem to have lost any sense that I should be a good little underling. I receive appreciation and accolades for my work, but I seem to have lost all sense of myself as subordinate in any larger sense, and I am gently amused by those who mistake me for such. I just don't have it in me anymore to be anything other than my own authority. I like the results so far.
PS - I did find a beautiful place to live not long after living in my car briefly. I am grateful to family and unexpected friends for shelter and aid during that time. I feel very fortunate that I still get to wake up to sky and clouds, but with a bed and a roof over my head now too. And although I now work in an office again, I am also fortunate to have one of my own, with a huge window, and yes - a beautiful view of sky and clouds.
PPS - I still do healing work with others now and then. At the same time, my practice has become more universal. I am not entirely sure where that leaves this practice or this website, but I hope to continue to share thoughts and insights as I am inspired to do so. And you are always welcome to contact me, should you feel inspired to do so.